my boys are explorers! i’m convinced that if there were still unknown territories in the world they would be begging us to pioneer into uncharted waters! they love to “look around” “go adventuring” “explore” all the places.
i am so thankful for our house at apple flats where they have space to roam and wander. i’m tempted to always take off with them; i want to join in on their expeditions. a few days ago, after i’d packed a backpack and water bottle for my youngest and secured it on his back; i sat in the kitchen gazing out the window as they marched off. i wanted to follow, but i knew that mommy presence might spoil the fun.
i know that the bond my boys have is tight and strong, in some part due to the freedom i give them to explore on their own. they’ve returned from exploring- oldest carrying the youngest; helping each other tote their found treasures; all ablaze of excitement to share what they’ve discovered. i do not doubt that my presence on such trips would void some of that brotherly care and joy. i’ve a nack for spoiling the fun. i’d have limited the number of dry cattails they stuck in their pockets, or warned against wading through the frigid creek water. i’d have spied a safer route or a better way and directed them far too much.
i’ll admit i’m a bit jealous sometimes; like last week when they returned eyes sparkling, beckoning me to come and see what treasure they’d found. a huge set of elk antlers set in our yard; i mean huge! and boys were all a jumble of voices and words to tell me about the fantastic find. part of me feels like i’m missing out on the adventure! part of me wouldn’t trade their independent little boy adventures for the world. because that is exactly what i’m after- hearts that yearn for excitement; minds that are never satisfied with what they’ve read but want the experience; souls that know deeply that their Maker has great things in store for them, if they take the time to explore!
i have a friend who is writing a book. she is amazing, and when it is ready i will happily share it with you and shout her praises and unashamedly push her book. but today i’m feeling a little less. i have a friend who is writing a book; i have a friend who is adopting a baby; i have a friend who is traveling to uganda; i have a friend who’s training for a triathlon. meanwhile i’ve got laundry piled up to my ears (have you noticed laundry is an ongoing problem for me- i hate it) i made some really gross pumpkin muffins this morning for my children for breakfast. i could surely use some makeup and a hairbrush about now; and honestly i just had to run outside because i could hear my kids screaming at each other while i was in the bathroom. (ok so that’s a lie; i didn’t run. i waited and listened to see if anyone was hurt. upon deciphering that the voices were merely angry fighting boys and not injured children, i walked slowly outside to face the reality. the reality which was, my older boys on the roof of the house chucking snowballs at my littles who were on the roof of the shed…. seriously.)
some days i feel less; less of a disciple, less of a wife, less of a mom. maybe i’ve been struggling with this a lot lately; because i seem to be working it out in one form or another is several places. we all feel less sometimes. we can all look at others and wish we were more.
yesterday during women’s bible study, i was reminded of how God views me; of what God calls me. a saint, anointed, His child, beloved, worthy, heir, sister, daughter… so today as i’m feeling less; i’m trying to remember that He is more. that His words, His view, His plan is more; and He has given more to me. in grasping more; i strive to be more. not in a competitive, jealous, keeping-up kind of way. i strive to live up to the words He has spoken over me. to face my rowdy, snowball throwing boys with grace and peace. i strive to entrench myself in His word so that His words will flow from my mouth. i tackle the task He has given me with joy.
i will not be writing books anytime soon; but i will sit down and read to my children. i will tell them stories of my youth, stories of their lives, and stories from my heart. i will not be adopting a newborn, but i will love on my friend and encourage and pray for her as she mothers her baby. i will hug my children- biological and adopted -and remember the days when their hands were so little and their cheeks so sweet. there are no trips to africa planned for our family; but we have friends across the world whom i will pray for as they reach out to the lost and the hopeless. i will show the love of Christ to my neighbors and my friends down the street and be His hands and feet right where i live. i will most surely not be training for a triathlon or a marathon or even a 5k (i do not like participating in races), but i will choose health. i will do T25 with my son who loves to “workout” and i will talk a walk outside today and enjoy the sunshine.
i am feeling less today, but i am consciously choosing to be more.